“Satire you can trust”
Northsouthern University Implements “Everything-Optional” Admissions, Application Numbers Rise Tenfold
“satire you can trust” BOSTON, MA — Following the rise in “test-optional” policies, the prestigious Northsouthern University (NSU) has implemented “Everything-Optional admissions,” where an applicant can choose what materials to send to the admissions office—or nothing at all. NSU’s application…
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Million-dollar anti-poverty sculpture installed at Sham Shui Po Park — profile, Sienna Zhang
“satire you can trust” SHAM SHUI PO, HK— Sienna Zhang, a young artist and activist in her twenties, is a vocal proponent of the first Sustainable Development Goal, No Poverty, and a trailblazer in the world of social justice and…
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US House of Representatives proceeds to 69,000th vote, Ghost of Kevin McCarthy calls on Republicans to unite
“satire you can trust” WASHINGTON DC, USA—Three centuries after the 2022 midterm election and four years after the Martian Invasion of the Federation of the Americas, the defunct 118th Congress voted on the speakership for the 69,000th time. In his…
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US Congressman-Elect George Santos exposed as Lizard Man imprisoned in Area 51
“satire you can trust” New York, USA — Following a mediocre midterm election performance by Republican candidates across the country, speaker-designate Kevin McCarthy’s hands have become increasingly tied as Republican Congressman-Elect George Santos becomes embroiled in a series of fraud…
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Electoral hopefuls with no chance of winning raise their quadrillionth dollar in donations from Californian wine moms; Fed concerned about inflationary consequences
“satire you can trust” WASHINGTON, D.C. – The midterm elections are finally upon us. Total spending in the 2022 elections has set a new record for political expenditures in any US election, with long-shot candidates spending a total of nearly…
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Is Li’s Field faltering? Experts say yes as Typhoon Nalgae nears
“satire you can trust” HONG KONG, CHINA – It seems like the omnipotent powers of billionaire tycoon Li Ka Shing have come to an end. With the rapid approach of Typhoon Nalgae toward Hong Kong, many experts postulate that Li’s…
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COVID Foreign Policy? Hospital Authority leads the charge against international COVID outbreaks
“satire you can trust” HONG KONG, CHINA—It seems that “Dynamic Zero-COVID” also embraces geographic dynamism. Chief Executive John Lee has taken a firmly interventionist approach to Zero-COVID, seeking to spread the policy’s implementation to other nations. Following a mild resurgence…
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Marxists cancel Karl Marx over “bourgeois” tomb
“satire you can trust” LONDON, ENGLAND — A post on the subreddit r/marxism caused a stir among Marxists around the world as the late philosopher’s tomb was labeled as bourgeois and exploitative. In an impassioned post, Reddit user Soviet_prince railed…
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Tear-jerking: Tree Huggers Spell Out “SAVE THE EARTH” in Minnesota Forest
“satire you can trust” MINNESOTA – The movement to save our planet and decrease carbon emissions has been taken to another level with an emotional, courageous demonstration in a Minnesota forest. Tree-huggers around the globe proudly assembled a team best…
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1 million deaths: Socialites throw $1,000,000 in the air in last ditch effort to end the pandemic
“satire you can trust” BEL AIR, CA —As the total U.S. COVID-19 death toll topped 1,000,000, America’s socialites converged on a $100 million Bel-air mansion in a last-ditch effort to put the coronavirus pandemic to an end once and for…
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The Morning Glory 