“satire you can trust”

LONDON, ENGLAND — A post on the subreddit r/marxism caused a stir among Marxists around the world as the late philosopher’s tomb was labeled as bourgeois and exploitative. 

In an impassioned post, Reddit user Soviet_prince railed at the fact that Marx’s tomb was located on private property owned by The Highgate Cemetery Charity. “It is infuriating that the man who spent his whole life fighting for the abolishment of private property is buried in the privately-owned Highgate Cemetery that charges people four pounds per visit! This is a bitter betrayal of fellow comrades who devoted their lives to the ongoing class struggle! Karl Marx is CANCELED!”

As fellow Marxists scrambled to determine whether to cancel Marxism as a whole, another Redditor pointed out that Marx’s bronze bust that sits on top of a marble plinth above the tomb was a product of exploitation. “Who do you think smelted the bronze and mined the marble? Exploited and alienated proletariats!  So it turns out Marx took part in class oppression! This is disgusting and infuriating. ”

At press time, Karl Marx’s tomb at Highgate Cemetery has been cordoned off due to unremitting vandalism by former Marxists.