“satire you can trust”

TULSA, OK – A routine public feeding session at Tulsa Zoo took a surprising turn on Monday. A juvenile female stork suddenly folded its legs and dropped down to its knees as a zookeeper scooped a bucket full of frozen fish into its bill. 

According to sources, zookeepers had repeatedly warned the stork not to strike such a divisive pose in public. In an earlier statement, the zoo reaffirmed its commitment to the freedom of expression of animals, but stated that a kneeling pose denigrates zookeepers’ hard work and subverts the zoo. 

“I have never seen anything like this before,” said avid zoogoer Randy Spruce. “This is a blatant attack on the zoo’s security and interests!”

Another zoogoer who witnessed the event lambasted the stork’s actions, calling it an “affront to the Tulsa Zoo’s core values.” Convinced that the stork was not a rogue actor, but part of a deep-state subversive plot orchestrated by the neighboring Oklahoma Aquarium, he suggested feeding the stork to alligators in the reptile enclosure or transferring it to a high security stork re-education camp.

At press time, the zoo has announced that the stork would no longer be featured in public feeding sessions and would be investigated for subversion.