“satire you can trust”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As negotiations on Biden’s signature Build Back Better plan stalled, Senator Joe Manchin of West Virginia broke the gridlock earlier this morning, bringing new hope to Democrats on the hill. 

Titled “Help Senator Joe Manchin Fight Late Stage Socialism”, the campaign featured a photo of Manchin in a hospital bed, surrounded by the loving presence of congressional colleagues Sen. Bernie Sanders, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, and Rep. Pramila Jayapal. The senator’s family also left a heartfelt plea below the photo. 

“Anyone who knows Joe will tell you that he’s an easy going, loving and funny person. But above all, a good samaritan. After going through the torment of late stage socialism, he has lost his charm and vigor. Now, his condition is worsening by the day, and can’t even stand an innocuous Bernie meme. To help Joe overcome the torment of late stage socialism, fund the bill and get the socialists off his ass. Every billion counts!”

In the comment section below Manchin’s call to action, a pinned comment from a user named “Kyrsten Sinema” read, “I am so sorry that you had to go through this. Keep fighting Joe! Thinking of you and all the best! With love from Kyrsten xx.”

Amidst the “season of giving”, the campaign also promised to give back to “altruistic patriots” who contributed more than $1 billion by giving away an 8-ounce bag of “high quality, proudly West Virginian, Manchin family coal.” At press time, Manchin’s office released an official statement, announcing that the Senator was “feeling generous” and would cover all domestic shipping costs.